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June 9, 2012
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BS3 R2 - Kroe - Part 2 by Ravenpuff BS3 R2 - Kroe - Part 2 by Ravenpuff
Intro, Gif Bio, Darth Ref, Round one, part one and part two, Round one by opponent
Kroe Ref, Gif Update, Round Two, Part One and Part Two, Round Two by opponent
Zero Ref, Gif Update, Round Three, Round three by opponent



Alright :phew: Finally done. Rather had more time to work on this with less stress, but my own fault for being such a procrastinator ^^;

At least it's done now in good time before the deadline. I admit, not one of my best works plot-wise... Just wanted to finish it, so it might seem a bit jumpy in the text. Lots of help from ~JohnnyVanda though, dealing with my complaining and demanding him to give me ideas to write X3;

Kept forgetting details, like Kroe's arm is supposed to be injuried from the first round :ohmygod:
Urgh.. Either way, it ain't getting any better. Enjoy none the less.
Hope I did Kroe any justice, :devoreog's:!


Editted by :iconjohnnyvanda:
#The-BloodSport :iconthe-bloodsport:
Kroe, egg-drone :iconoreog:
Zip (mentioned former opponent of Kroe's ) :icon3jewl:
Gif Me
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:iconoreog:
I will start by saying how much I love the way you combine text and art together to make your entries. It's really a nice break from reading when you get to enjoy some really cute art. Not only is your style adorable, but you also manage to take the cuteness of the style to portray some pretty tough emotions. I especially love how you managed to make Kroe's death hauntingly eerie, despite your style leaning towards such cute features and quirks. That combined with a variety of expressions you give the characters just makes your art a generally unique and eye pleasing. It also has good clarity, so I never have to question what is going on in the art compared to the written portion. (The beginning panels on the second part blew me away with suspense!)

Your writing was a little harder to get through, though. I can definitely see an improvement from your last round to this one. You add plenty of detail, but it does seem like it can drag out at times. I think I would have liked to hear more about Gif's past or motives for entering BS rather than so much scenery and pure tactical reasoning. It's as if Gif's point of view gets a tad too analytical in some places. However, this is easily made up for with the engaging dialog between such different characters. I love the tension you captured in your writing when Gif and Kroe interact and you got Kroe's personality near perfect. It was really interesting to see my character through a writer's point of view. :'D

I really enjoyed reading this entry and even happier we got paired up. This battle was very engaging and I love the outcome. Great job~
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

:icongvozdi:
This one was a bit shorter, and the procrastination sort of shows at points
But I know that feel all too well, I heavily procrastinated this time around as well, haha
So I won't be taking away any points for such, only taking into account the actual quality of the text
Visually, the presentation this time around is a bit better than the last entry and explains a lot of the images you already set up - but this is welcomed, as it makes everything flow together much more fluently and conjoined

I think it is funny that she is never really directly involved in the deaths of those who she is trying to kill
I am guessing you are waiting until the end, where she finally gets a satisfying kill and has a lollypop to celebrate as a result
While others had over branching stories, you have over branching themes which are rather consistent
However, it makes the ending a bit too formulaic and takes away a bit of the tension, but not a lot

You are setting up something interesting, with Gif constantly being out of her element and losing equipment every time
By the time she is ready for an actual confrontation that utilize her skill sets, she will probably be less prepared than ever
This adds a lot to the story where others lack, you make the reader ambitious for what will happen next

My only critique of the story itself, is probably Gif's character herself
She is interesting and original, while a bit of a trope, with her basically having certain attributes that denounce her romanticized role as an Imperial - but also being able to live up to the title
A solid concept for a character, but for motivation, she seems to lack it a bit
As in, there is not much going on besides the battles and the themes
While she has goals, there is not much going on to really define the edges of this character's blade, so to speak

But overall, solid entry with great presentation and even better concepts put at play.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconlightsshadow03:
LightsShadow03 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012   Writer
wow that was good, sad about Kroe dying taht way though, so she was shot huh? Still happy for Gif that she won ^^
Sorry I took a while in doing looking at this was busy but worth the wait good job Puff ^^
Reply
:iconravenpuff:
Ravenpuff Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012
No, Kroe weren't shot :P

:salute:
Reply
:iconlightsshadow03:
LightsShadow03 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012   Writer
Ops must have misread ^^;
Still yay for Gif she did a great job ^^
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:iconzxi-lesk:
Zxi-Lesk Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2012
Kinda surprised, that you didn't Gif didn't close Kroe's eyes, like how most Soldiers do with the dead.
Reply
:iconravenpuff:
Ravenpuff Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012
Hmm, good point. But I think Gif's more distanced to people, dead or alive. Not to mention not wanting to allow a defect the chance of looking more peaceful in her death by closing her eyes. Will serve as a better warning with creepily open eyes, if others run into the corpse
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:iconsalmaru:
SalmaRU Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This part seems smaller than first =q But no matter, it's look cool anyway! =) I like how it continued after 1st part with hard moment for Gif and description of Kroe feelings here =) And I like drawings in this work, it really nice done (besides Kroe's eye, seems like you have problem with gray marker?). Really good connecting traditional and computer work =) And it could me more hard for me to read without these illustrations ^^;
Really good one =) Hope you will winner here =)
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:iconravenpuff:
Ravenpuff Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012
Yeah, this one is rather short ^^; Been procrastinating so long I just had to finish this as soon I could.

Glad it came out that nicely :phew: Yeah, my markers are beginning to act up on me lately :P

Glad my illustrations help with understanding the story too =D Thanks :glomp:
Reply
:iconsalmaru:
SalmaRU Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you welcome =) I think it came out really good, but I still didn't searched for your opponent round =q hope your work stay on good level!
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:iconelectricgecko:
ElectricGecko Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012
I love how the pictures are so clear, I don't even need to read the text!
Reply
:iconravenpuff:
Ravenpuff Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012
:giggle: Helps to skim through the story, when too lazy to read through it
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